Abuse or gender-based violence does not only involve physical violence. There are no “first” or “second” order abuses, nor are some worse than others. All forms of abuse matter: physical, psychological, sexual, economic, vicarious, and digital.
Often, gender-based violence is hidden. It can even coexist in a reality where, at times, the woman herself is unaware of what she is experiencing.
Gender-based violence does not usually start with a physical attack. Aggressions gradually increase in intensity and frequency over time. It is a continuous, escalating process in which the woman progressively loses her psychological resources to escape the situation. This wall of silence also prevents others from helping her.
If the violence occurs suddenly, it is easier to seek help immediately. But if abuse occurs gradually, identifying the problem becomes much more difficult. The woman may end up normalizing the situation.
Under the thought of “how could this happen to me?”, unacceptable behaviors begin to be justified—behaviors that, once inside the relationship, are hard to identify or assess in terms of their severity.
This escalation of violence leads to habituation to abuse and the development of emotional dependency. Combined with the learned helplessness experienced by the victim—which generates insecurity, low self-esteem, and fear that any reaction might worsen the situation—this keeps her with the abuser.
Minimization and normalization of violence, shame, fear of retaliation, and even guilt make it difficult for women to clearly see their situation. All of this hinders the necessary decision-making to leave that environment.
Psychological violence is invisible, legitimized, and socially accepted. If we observe the typical escalation of gender-based violence, one of the first signs is microaggressions, a subtle form of violence. These are followed by other forms: psychological, verbal, sexual, and finally, physical violence.
Economic violence deserves special mention. Although it is often categorized under psychological violence, it involves specific abusive behaviors related to controlling money and creating economic dependency.
In short, emotional abuse unfolds gradually. One act leads to another, creating a vicious cycle that is extremely difficult to escape.
Psychological violence includes various behaviors that must be recognized in order to identify abuse. Some of these are: coercion, intimidation, threats, using children as leverage, abuse of male privilege, humiliation, degradation, minimization of violence, blaming the partner, isolation, and control of the environment.
(List adapted from common psychological aggression behaviors toward women, Garrido,
2001)
If you identify with any of the following behaviors, you could be experiencing psychological abuse:
Insulted or humiliated (publicly or privately)
Made to feel mentally unstable
Frequently lied to or manipulated
Told you are a complete failure
Forced to do all household chores to the abuser’s satisfaction
Obsessed and inflexible over trivial matters
Disturbed your rest or free time
Forced to drink or use drugs
Excessively jealous
Always present when you are with others
Refuses to discuss problems when requested
Unable to negotiate important issues
Threatened to kill you, hurt you, or take the children
Threatened to commit suicide or harm loved ones
Broken your personal belongings
Abused your pet
Constant mood swings
Always angry
Mocked you
Ignored you in important decisions
Indifferent when you try to connect
Prohibited you from expressing your opinion
Goes days without speaking to you for no apparent reason
Uses complicated language to confuse you
Exploits your weaknesses to attack you
Identifying gender-based violence—and psychological violence in particular—is not easy, especially when the common perception of violence focuses only on the physical aspect.
This misconception hides an entire reality. The subtlety of psychological abuse and the invisibility of its symptoms make detection difficult. That is why it is essential to recognize all forms of violence within abuse. Only by doing so can we break the silence, seek help, and escape the cycle.
