Jealousy is a natural emotion that arises from the fear of losing something valuable, such as a partner’s love or attention. Feeling jealousy in small doses is normal, but when it dominates the relationship, it can generate conflict and distrust. In this article, from our psychology clinic in Valencia (online and in-person), we offer practical solutions to work on jealousy and strengthen trust.
Understanding Jealousy from a Psychological Perspective
What jealousy is and why it appears
Jealousy is an emotional response combining fear, insecurity, and anxiety about the possibility of losing a partner’s affection. It often originates from past experiences, personal insecurities, or relationship dynamics, such as a lack of communication. Psychology explains that jealousy is a natural reaction, but its intensity depends on internal and external factors.
Differences between “normal” jealousy vs. destructive jealousy
“Normal” jealousy is occasional, manageable, and does not interfere with the relationship—for example, feeling slight discomfort in a specific situation. Destructive jealousy, on the other hand, is intense, recurring, and generates behaviors such as excessive control or constant distrust. The latter can damage the relationship and requires psychological attention.
The Role of Self-Esteem in Jealousy
Low self-esteem can feed jealousy because the person doubts their own worth and fears not being enough for their partner. Strengthening self-esteem helps reduce insecurity and build trust in the relationship. Psychotherapy, especially couples therapy, is a key tool for working on this aspect.
How jealousy affects the romantic relationship
Warning Signs
Some signs that jealousy is affecting a relationship include checking your partner’s phone, constantly demanding explanations, interpreting gestures or words as threats, or feeling intense anxiety when your partner interacts with others.
Control and distrust dynamics
Destructive jealousy often leads to controlling behaviors, such as limiting your partner’s freedom or questioning their decisions. These dynamics create a cycle of distrust that erodes communication and emotional intimacy.
Long-Term Consequences
Over time, unmanaged jealousy can cause emotional distancing, recurring conflicts, or even the end of the relationship. It also affects both partners’ mental health, increasing stress, anxiety, and lowering self-esteem.
Activities for Working Through Jealousy Together
Emotional Communication Exercises
Practice active listening: Each partner shares their feelings without interruption for 5 minutes, while the other just listens and then paraphrases what they’ve understood. This fosters empathy and reduces misunderstandings.
Strengthening trust through positive routines
Establish routines such as spending 10 minutes a day discussing positive aspects of the relationship or planning activities together. These practices strengthen the bond and generate emotional security.
Dynamics to reinforce autonomy and connection
Engage in individual activities you are passionate about and then share them with your partner. For example, attending a workshop or practicing a hobby separately and then discussing it strengthens mutual trust and personal autonomy.
Individual Activities to Work on Jealousy
Personal emotional journaling
Write daily about your emotions, identifying what triggers jealousy and how it makes you feel. Reflecting on these patterns helps understand their origin and manage them better.
Visualizations and self-affirmations
Practice guided visualizations, imagining situations that trigger jealousy but managing them calmly. Complement this with self-affirmations like: “I am valuable and deserve a relationship based on trust.”
Working on Limiting Beliefs
Identify beliefs like “I am not enough” or “I will always be abandoned” with the help of a psychologist. Replace them with realistic thoughts through cognitive-behavioral techniques, such as cognitive restructuring.
Working on Attachment in Therapy
This involves developing greater awareness and understanding of attachment patterns, both in yourself and others, and taking steps to foster secure and healthy relationships. It requires self-awareness, therapy, open communication, supportive relationships, and self- care.
What if Only One of Us Wants to Improve the Situation?
If only one partner is willing to work on jealousy, change is still possible. The interested partner can focus on their own emotional growth, strengthening self-esteem and communication skills. This may inspire changes in the couple’s dynamic, although couples therapy in Valencia (online or in-person) is ideal for addressing the issue together.
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Frequently Asked Questions About Jealousy in Couples
Is it normal to feel jealous in a relationship?
Yes, jealousy is a natural emotion, but it should be mild and manageable. If it is intense or frequent, it’s important to work on it with a professional.
How do I know if jealousy is affecting my relationship?
If jealousy leads to frequent arguments, excessive control, or constant distrust, it is harming the relationship. Pay attention to whether it affects your or your partner’s well-being.
Can jealousy be worked on without my partner’s participation?
Yes, you can work individually on self-esteem, beliefs, and emotional regulation. However, couples therapy is more effective for addressing shared dynamics.
Conclusion
Jealousy is a common emotion, but when it becomes destructive, it can harm the relationship and self-esteem. Through joint exercises such as emotional communication and positive routines, and individual practices such as working on attachment patterns, it is possible to manage jealousy and strengthen trust. From our psychology clinic in Valencia, we encourage seeking professional support, online or in-person, to build a healthier, safer relationship.
