We commemorate all kinds of events and celebrations: birthdays, a new birth, landing a great job… In fact, any excuse is good enough to gather around a table and raise a glass of wine.
As celebration dates approach, it’s impossible to ignore the absence of a loved one or the role they once played in these events—especially when the loss is recent.
Holidays like Christmas can make the natural process of grief more difficult. They are dates filled with mixed emotions. We experience moments of joy, such as reuniting with loved ones or witnessing the excitement of children, alongside more painful moments, like memories of times past and, above all, confronting the absence of the deceased.
Once again, everyone gathers around the table, but this time a chair stands empty. We remember the person more than ever—their jokes, their presence at family gatherings…
Dates when the whole family comes together highlight the absence of a loved one the most, especially during the first times: the first Christmas, the first anniversary, the first vacation… Sadness resurfaces, and that is completely normal. It is part of the grieving process necessary to process the loss.
There are no magic formulas or foolproof ways to face the holidays, nor strictly right or wrong methods. However, it is important to respect one’s own process and allow oneself to feel. Denying or hiding emotions only adds suffering.
Although each person experiences grief differently, it is generally beneficial to confront the loss by encouraging emotional communication within the family, keeping the memory of the absent person alive, and agreeing on alternative ways to celebrate.
People handle special dates in different ways. Some families choose to avoid celebrations to escape the pain of absence. This option can provide immediate relief, but in the long term, avoidance delays the necessary confrontation with the loss.
Others try to act “normally,” pretending nothing has happened, hiding true feelings, and avoiding discussions about the deceased. Denying reality is psychologically exhausting and can lead to side effects such as fatigue, anxiety, or irritability.
Both strategies may offer short-term relief but hinder the healthy processing of grief and slow recovery.
A more adaptive approach is to collectively decide how to celebrate, allowing gatherings to continue but with small adjustments. Introducing changes can help families face special dates despite the absence of their loved one.
Grief is a natural experience. To process loss in a healthy way, we need to talk, acknowledge our feelings, express emotions, share with others, and plan celebrations in advance.
Discussing expectations with loved ones ahead of time and respecting everyone’s opinions, wishes, and emotions can help navigate these occasions in a supportive way.
In short, normalizing our grieving process is essential.
